I guess I’m the kind of woman who has the fear that should I ever find myself first one to the finish line of some metaphorical, prize-winning race, I’d trip and fall within feet of the red ribbon.
It comes this way on occasion. Like a little movie with the same, basic plot, just different characters and settings.
Take my wedding, for example. My bridal facial gone awry, leaving me with a large, cold-sore-looking scab on my top lip, two days before my fiancé was to kiss the bride. I had to, literally, ‘face the fact’ that my fairytale day may be accompanied with an unsightly sore. (The tale of my pre-wedding lip and the truth that Photoshop does not retouch real life, is documented here in “Union”).
If my wedding was that proverbial finish line, then I’m happy to say I crossed it with the grace of a ballerina, traipsing on a plush, red carpet. My husband was there, all a grin, ready to twirl us both into the sunset. And that scab? The thing dangled below my nose, threateningly, the night before. But when I woke on the morning of my special day, it had simply disappeared. Not a trace on my face. Danger averted. Anxiety assuaged.
So, one would think I that I have learned from this. But the fears, they still rear.
Take for instance, this past Saturday morning, when I receive an email from a WordPress “story wrangler”, (many thanks, Michelle), notifying me that the Archives “Weeds and Debris” post would be Freshly Pressed. I was honored. Excited.
And it was with (admittedly) bated breath that I monitored my site for signs of fresh pressness. Forty-eight hours passed and nothing. I began to wonder. And then, to doubt. My figurative finish line fading and flapping in a cold wind. My feet becoming clumsy beneath me.
Maybe they changed their minds. Or possibly the WP editors just forgot. I mean, they’ve got a lot of posts to keep track of.
I could see this all unfurling inside my mind. The familiar nervousness that I’d come so close to something cool, but wouldn’t really get it. Just a tease. Almost, but not quite.
But who was writing this movie anyway? Wasn’t For the Archives the little writing world of my creation? I was following the Threads of my choosing. Snapping photos of the moments that spoke to me. Chronicling the details of my inspiration. I was the author of this gig, right? Why not let the plot gift a little accolade?
As I questioned, wondered, waited – one thing became clear. Award or not, my time with the Archives would remain, regardless.
I could log on, see my stats all flat-lined. No Freshly Pressed badge as a widget. But I would still be loving the lifeline this forum brings me. The joy of 4am, a cup of coffee and the quiet of my house while I type. Each day I am pressed fresh, through the discipline of this exercise. To show up to the creative process. To try to offer something of myself.
With this affirmation clear, it was easy to let go. And as we know, this is often the wisest path.
Because within about a half an hour of doing so, my email Inbox began to percolate and I knew the time had come. Those WP story wranglers had rustled up my post. They’d suggested dusting off my welcome mat. And, indeed, For the Archives had some house guests.
So, mahalo – thank you – to each of you that Liked, Commented, or are now Following For the Archives. I’m honored that you took the time, and I’m grateful to WordPress for offering us the platform to share our ideas and creativity in such a far-reaching community.
I won’t call this a finish line. I started this blog two and a half years and nearly 600 posts ago. The journey here has been anything but linear. I do not know where it leads or when it ‘ends’, but I’m very much enjoying the process of discovering.