While cutting my way through tangled undergrowth, aided by a borrowed machete, and guided by intuition (along with random tea bag fortunes), solace is found in the smallest semblances of lifelines.
Referencing yesterday’s losing-all-composure post, I will say I was in need of a re-group after staving off a kitchen meltdown, only to flood the Archives with the emotional waters of vulnerability. Ask me on a good day and I’ll tell you that’s what the artist’s path is all about. Ask me when I’m feeling raw and you get the fisherman that’s reeling in (this metaphor explored more fully weeks ago).
This morning I’m working with the symbolism in lifelines and compass points. When I’ve gushed, seeped, flooded…cast that line waaaaay out there…what is it that pulls me back to center?
Yesterday it was a little kickback on the grass with Jeb after school. Watering my plants by the front door. I folded all the weekend laundry and even put it away. Small favors bestowed upon me, Jeb eats all his vegetables at dinner. His math test comes back with a 99%. Homework is completed without a hitch.
And after he falls asleep, I spend the evening in a little self-care. Comb conditioner through my hair. Fill a tub with hot water and Hawaiian salt to soak my feet. Rub my heels with Calendula salve. Soak my arms in Sandlewood oil.
When in doubt, start where you are. And there’s no where you occupy more than your own body. Once in a while, it’s good to have True North verified. My compass point pinged at salt, salve and a little TLC.
Oh yeah, and some reading material while my feet were soaking. The manual for the sophisticated Canon camera – another loan from the Bohemian. Far from my little hand-held point and shoot, this camera has a full-size bag just to store all its parts. A telephoto lens. More dials and symbols than I have ever seen.
Over the weekend he spent an hour pulling every battery pack and memory card into the light. Wiping down and cleaning every inch of the camera bag before zipping it up tight and presenting me with the chance to learn. I mean, this thing is the real deal. It’s like a camera camera.
So I study up. Read the Quick-Start Guide, the first two chapters and the Glossary of Terms. Wrap my salve-soaked feet in socks. Think about the safeguard setting of Auto-Focus. Consider experimentation with that telephoto lens.
Somewhere in there I heard the voice of Eckhart Tolle. I’ve been driving around with the audio book version of the “Power of Now”. Another attempt at some kind of lifeline.
He describes an experience just before he was enlightened. He felt like he was falling into a void of indescribable darkness. From somewhere inside he heard a prompting that said, “Resist nothing.” He surrendered. Experienced supreme bliss. Changed his life forever.
Motherhood, love, a new camera. I can feel intimidated by it all. Resistance looming at the threshold. Lifelines and compasses probably only offer token signs of safety. I have a hunch that “safe” is an illusion.
Ok. So what’s here in this ever-present powerful Now?
This morning’s breakfast and a school lunch to be made for Jeb.
The gift of a high-powered tool with fresh lenses, offering me a new way of seeing.