Rock Paper Scissors

Kámen, nůžky, papír!”

Jeb, the Bohemian and I are throwing our hands in the circle. Fists, flattened hands and peace signs.

This is Roshambo. Also known as Rock, Paper, Scissors and apparently this ancient game is universal.

courtesy of wikipedia

Jeb’s absorbent eight-year old mind has grasped these foreign words with ease and he not only exclaims them with solid vigor, he remembers them all day long.

Me, on the other hand, I’m in alien territory and my thirty-eight year old brain is dull.

In the evening at the dinner table, roshambo comes up again in our conversation.

“Ok, so it’s kámen…something…and then papír, right?” I ask.

Jeb laughs. “Nůžky!”

The Bohemian smiles.

“Right. Kámen, nůžky, papír. Ok, I got it.”

But I don’t’ feel like I’ve got it. This foreign language thing is slow going.

I wish I spoke five languages. The Bohemian speaks English, Polish, some Russian and I think he’d do alright in Germany.

Me, I grew up in California, exposed my whole life to Spanish. I studied it for years in school and I fantasize that if I lived in a Spanish-speaking country, I’d become fluent enough to start dreaming in that language. Though for now, I stumble clumsily through the most simple of Spanish conversation.

And then there’s Czech. Now that is truly foreign. These beautiful sounds that emerge from the mouth of the Bohemian have letter combinations I’ve never heard before. I am in a strange and unknown linguistic land where the exotic sounds wash over me in rolling ‘r’s’ and lilting ‘ch’s’ (although I think ‘ch’ is actually a letter in the alphabet that sounds sort of English ‘h’-ish and the English ‘ch’ sound is actually denoted in Czech by a ‘c’ with some cool diacritical mark. Whew. Anyway…). Just listening, I’m swirled in a spin where I cannot grasp the letters and hold them.

Give me a Czech word and half the time I cannot repeat it back correctly. There are subtle sounds, new combinations. Altogether different letters in the alphabet. ‘R’s I can’t roll. ‘H’s made from deep in the throat.

I fumble like a typical American. The Bohemian is patient, like his typical self.

My head is thick. My mind conditioned. I’m not used to something so radically different. I am realizing that some things need to be very close and in my face to really grasp, especially the unfamiliar.

WHOOOOHOOOO!

Ok. Staying ever-present in the Now and ever-dedicated to offering you the real and true Daily Chronicles, I will report the moments as they occur.

No sooner did I punctuate that last sentence (“…especially the unfamiliar”), ready to describe to you the moments when I shine most truly in foreign terrain, than  Jeb emerges from his bedroom – 5:20am – reporting that he is ill.

My Mother hat is donned instantly in a flurry of thermometers, juice, cold wash cloths and lavender oil. He does have a fever. Emails are sent to Dad and today’s work clients. No school. And Jeb’s birthday celebration scheduled for tomorrow is now in question.

It is currently 6:08am. Still dark. Jeb rests. I reach to complete a posting for the Archives while still staying attentive by his side.

Where was I going with all this?

courtesy of wikipedia

Rock, paper scissors.
The universal game of random chance that transcends all language.
My exploration into new territory.
Attempts to learn the subtleties.
Practicing grace among detours.

A reminder to have fun with the game.

Resist Nothing

While cutting my way through tangled undergrowth, aided by a borrowed machete, and guided by intuition (along with random tea bag fortunes), solace is found in the smallest semblances of lifelines.

Referencing yesterday’s losing-all-composure post, I will say I was in need of a re-group after staving off a kitchen meltdown, only to flood the Archives with the emotional waters of vulnerability. Ask me on a good day and I’ll tell you that’s what the artist’s path is all about. Ask me when I’m feeling raw and you get the fisherman that’s reeling in (this metaphor explored more fully weeks ago).

This morning I’m working with the symbolism in lifelines and compass points. When I’ve gushed, seeped, flooded…cast that line waaaaay out there…what is it that pulls me back to center?

Yesterday it was a little kickback on the grass with Jeb after school. Watering my plants by the front door. I folded all the weekend laundry and even put it away. Small favors bestowed upon me, Jeb eats all his vegetables at dinner. His math test comes back with a 99%. Homework is completed without a hitch.

And after he falls asleep, I spend the evening in a little self-care. Comb conditioner through my hair. Fill a tub with hot water and Hawaiian salt to soak my feet. Rub my heels with Calendula salve. Soak my arms in Sandlewood oil.

When in doubt, start where you are. And there’s no where you occupy more than your own body. Once in a while, it’s good to have True North verified. My compass point pinged at salt, salve and a little TLC.

Oh yeah, and some reading material while my feet were soaking. The manual for the sophisticated Canon camera – another loan from the Bohemian. Far from my little hand-held point and shoot, this camera has a full-size bag just to store all its parts. A telephoto lens. More dials and symbols than I have ever seen.

Over the weekend he spent an hour pulling every battery pack and memory card into the light. Wiping down and cleaning every inch of the camera bag before zipping it up tight and presenting me with the chance to learn. I mean, this thing is the real deal. It’s like a camera camera.

So I study up. Read the Quick-Start Guide, the first two chapters and the Glossary of Terms. Wrap my salve-soaked feet in socks. Think about the safeguard setting of Auto-Focus. Consider experimentation with that telephoto lens.

Somewhere in there I heard the voice of Eckhart Tolle. I’ve been driving around with the audio book version of the “Power of Now”. Another attempt at some kind of lifeline.

He describes an experience just before he was enlightened. He felt like he was falling into a void of indescribable darkness. From somewhere inside he heard a prompting that said, “Resist nothing.” He surrendered. Experienced supreme bliss. Changed his life forever.

Motherhood, love, a new camera. I can feel intimidated by it all. Resistance looming at the threshold. Lifelines and compasses probably only offer token signs of safety. I have a hunch that “safe” is an illusion.

Resist nothing.

Ok. So what’s here in this ever-present powerful Now?

This morning’s breakfast and a school lunch to be made for Jeb.

The gift of a high-powered tool with fresh lenses, offering me a new way of seeing.

Random Breakfast Table Talk

Jeb:  “I believe in god.”

Me:  “Mmmm…”

Jeb:  “I can see it right now.”

Me:  “You can?”

Jeb:  “Yeah.”

Me:  “Will you show me?”

Jeb:  “Yeah.  You just look.”

courtesy of David Jager