Posted on by Jessica Dofflemyer

Spelling Sentences Instead of Spanish Wine

Between the car repairs and school re-enrollment forms, I decline the dinner invitation at the hip restaurant with friends.  It’s a school night and I’ll be doing addition flashcards with Jeb instead of sipping Spanish wine.  These days, my world consists of #2 pencils, Lego action figures and fruit roll ups.photo by Jessica Dofflemyer - all rights reserved

I do get moments of my own.  An escape to Mary’s garden to harvest food for home.  I’ll linger long enough in the watercress to still the details.  Watch the soil roll softly from the purple bulbous beets as they emerge from their beds.  With a few quick snips, I’ll release the scent of basil to the air.  Step bare feet on the cool, green gota kola.  Feel slants of afternoon sunlight settle warmly on my head.  Eat an orange nasturtium flower.  Sense the satisfaction of pulling a weed out with my toes.

Dinner tonight includes a garden salad.  Fresh-squeezed lemon, olive oil, green olives, Hawaiian salt.  Jeb will write his spelling sentences while I wash the dishes.  Shower time, then read a story.  Lights out by eight.

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Thank God for Heartbreak…

…such a wealth for writing!

And just in case any of the handful of loyal readers to the Archives may be wondering, my present state of mind (and heart) is fine and well.  That last Imprint post may have been a little heavy, but truth be told, if I was actually in the deepest throes of that wallow it never would have made it on to WordPress.  It took a year to write about dead grass from a king-size tent and crying in a towel.  It may take another year to laugh about it.

But maybe not that long after all.  Because once you give the story words, in many ways, it leaves you.  And not the melancholy leaving of an airport goodbye.  More like the freedom found in flight with real-life feathers.

photo by Jessica Dofflemyer - all rights reserved

“Just give it away!” said Lisa Goettel in my ‘Rise Up Singing’ workshop.  Her hands gesturing out from her body like she was slinging her very essence across the room.  She was speaking of our voices and letting them free.  No holding back.  No hoarding.  No saving for a rainy day.

Rainy days will come and go but our deepest well will never dry.  Tap this place and share, because we know there is abundance.  The replenishing fathoms of our feeling hearts.  Our expanding throats filled with a kaleidoscope of tones.  Our words gush forth, seeping forgotten crevices and tangling with ancient roots in terra firma.  This soil is fertile in forever.  Just give it away!

So thank you to all the bringers of broken promises.  All those that told untruths.  There is gratitude to every footfall that walked further from my doorstep.  You gave me the chance to love and give it away.

photo by Jessica Dofflemyer - all rights reservedf
Posted on by Jessica Dofflemyer

Imprint

you know it was deep
when the sound of a bull frog reminds you
a certain shade of grey in the clouds sparks a feeling
the current dew point bringing a familiar sensation from the past

you know the imprint was made cellular
this time last spring
if nature holds the key to unlock memories
surprising you in a bird song

there was that giant tent you erected streamside
heaped inside with pillows and so many blankets that he got hot
how the sound of pig hooves could be heard
running hard on soft soil in darkness
just beside you both
only thin tent fabric between you and he
and the grunt of a mama with her baby

when the campings over
and he’s ready for the plane
you step into the utility closet
and sob into a towel
but the crying is so loud
you know he heard you anyway

he leaves  clothes for ‘next time’
but your heart knows he won’t be back
there’s wildness in paradise
it takes work to live and love here
return flights are reserved for tourists
bringing home snapshots and a new sarong

back home for you is an empty tent down by the water
you see the ants are moving in
funny how he didn’t help dismantle it
as you pull thick tent stakes
and wrestle collapsing arms back to compact
trying to fit its greatness into a small zip up bag

you clear all the tarps and bungees
walk away
from the big brown square
of deadened, flattened grass
a tangible tell-tale
that he really had been there
and now is all
but gone

you know the grass will grow back quickly
last traces will disappear
except for the low baritone of bullfrog
in the rushes
steady still
this year

photo by Jessica Dofflemyer - all rights reserved