Letting the Ink Seep

Sometimes the head gets too full.

Endless thoughts shaping words, ideas piling into heaping mounds of overflowing debris. It can be a never-ending ping pong game of lists and reminders, questions and answers, always doing…doing something.

The mind is important, powerful, necessary. But oh, the brilliance of pausing the constancy of my brain.

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Sometimes it just takes a pen. Slowing down to let ink seep into textured paper, not knowing where I’m going. On the blank sheet, it matters not. This is for no one but myself. There is no purpose whatsoever, except that it feels good to gaze upon colors, filling lines that lead me to an unknown place where there never is a wrong. No time.

Tripping Over Joy

What is the difference
Between your experience of Existence
And that of a saint?

The saint knows
That the spiritual path
Is a sublime chess game with God

And that the Beloved
Has just made such a Fantastic Move

That the saint is now continually
Tripping over Joy
And bursting out in Laughter
And saying, “I Surrender!”

Whereas, my dear,
I am afraid you still think

You have a thousand serious moves.

~ renderings of Hafiz by Daniel Ladinsky
“I Heard God Laughing, Poems of Hope and Joy”

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Stringing It Together

“We can see it from the cemetery. This house that we think may be our next home.

As an albatross flies, it’s about a mile and a half away from us. We stand beside hundred-year-old lava rock grave stone markers, in a simple cemetery just down the street from where we currently reside. Between us and the peeking A-line rooftop of our dream house, lie grassy meadows, one steep valley, and several property lines with fences. Of the house, we can see nothing but windows…

It feels good to look out over green pastures at the only roofline in sight, imagining ourselves lighting up that house with warm, golden hues from the inside.”

The above passage is pulled from the “Lamp Lighting” post I wrote here on the Archives on September 30, 2013.

More than once, the Bohemian and I would walk down our country road to the cemetery and gaze out across the field at the windows of the home we dared to dream about. It felt possible, but uncertain. So close, and yet, so far.

Like any creation, perhaps, it begins with a desire, a dream, a vision. And then there is the doing. Your two hands, your mind, your action, that begins to herd atoms into some organized system shaped to resemble your wishes made real in 3D.

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For a jewelry maker, it’s bead by bead on the string until some masterpiece can grace a neckline. For a spider, it’s filament cast, row by spiraling row. Always, there are unseen forces at work, elements beyond the control of the creator. But, ultimately, the doing is left to the dreamer.

We humans, busy with all this manifestation business, sometimes fix our vision on the steps at hand, not realizing the greater view.

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And so it’s been for my family, elbow-deep in boxes. Loading and unloading them. Thoroughly cleaning cupboards. Trouble shooting water wells. Clearing rain gutters and gray water drains. Where? In that A-frame house we gazed longingly upon from the cemetery, only so many months ago.

Yes, February 1st we moved in, and it’s been shelf by shelf, room by room, of living this dream-come-true.

But last night we paused the chores. Jeb was at his father’s house, and the Bohemian and I had sunset to ourselves. We moved upstairs to the big window that looks out to a range of mountains, where the sun was an egg yolk breaking in golden ooze behind a hill. We sat quietly with the clouds that moved in mauves, ever slowly, past our view. All was quiet but for bird songs and the occasional trumpeting of a strutting rooster.

Looking out across the treetops, I could see the outline of Norfolk pines, markers of the cemetery where we used to visit.

“Do you see the pines in the cemetery?” I asked the Bohemian.

“Yep. I see them.”

“Remember standing beneath them and looking at this window from over there?”

“Yes. And we said we wanted to see the window all lit up with light from the inside.”

“I know…and now, look. Here we are on the inside of that window, looking back at where we used to stand. We’re here.”

The Bohemian rose and walked to the lamp at my desk.

“Then let’s turn on a light.”