Beyond the Ceiling

I believe life has a soundtrack. Poignant moments in our lives are punctuated by the songs playing in the background. The sonic thread that solidifies our experiences, just like a scent.

I grew up in an orange grove listening to vinyl records that spun sound over back yard tomato vines growing out of oak barrels. My dad’s Linda Ronstadt, my mom’s John Denver. We had the cassette tape for The Sound of Music and I knew every word to each song.

Life’s soundtrack changed around the age of nine, however, as I moved into my own bedroom, got a small radio, and gained a window into the world of mainstream pop music. Eddie Grant’s “Electric Avenue” was like nothing I’d ever heard, fitting perfectly with my wonderment at the fifth grade boys in checkered Vans and their BMX tricks. Men At Work‘s “Land Down Under” was another song full of foreign intrigue. I bought the cassette at the local Radio Shack and would play it in a portable recorder on my front porch, as my sister and I roller skated in circles.

This music was not my parents’. The sounds escaping the little seven-inch speaker of my radio moved me in new ways and linked me to the world beyond the orange trees.

Music has forever been a part of my life. I only recently retired as a DJ at our local community radio station after 16 years of sharing my favorites on my show “Music as Medicine.” I left the realm of mainstream radio in the 90’s and have spent the last twenty years exploring music of many genres and mostly listening to what would be considered “independent” music.

Jeb’s been raised on Alexi Murdoch, Scott Matthews, Micheal Franti and Feist. Of course, Joni Mitchell’s been in there and Bob Dylan, too. Try as I may, he insists that he just doesn’t care for Bob Marley.

Blame it on the school bus, but it was last year’s trips between home and school that introduced my nine-year old son to the world of mainstream pop. With my own opinions that Top 40 music was generally market-driven and superficial (not to mention, sometimes just plain terrible in its content), I began to hear random snippets hummed from Jeb at home. There was talk of a specific radio station that played these songs, but the frequency just didn’t reach our part of the island.

With our new commute to Jeb’s art camp this summer, one of the highlights has been the ability to tune into his favorite station, JAMZ 98. That’s right, the “Island Blaster” has been gracing my vehicle with songs from Maroon 5, Rihanna, Justin Beiber and Pink.

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At first it was fairly painful for my prejudiced ear. But my memories of how it felt to hear Michael Jackson for the first time on the radio superseded my distaste, wanting Jeb to also find his moments of joy with sound.

We’re going on two weeks of 7am travels with Top 40 and I’m trying to strike a balance. The audio book for Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” is in the car, and after dropping Jeb I often listen to a few words of wisdom from the man that speaks of the present moment. Many times, just listening to him calms me and brings a bit more presence to my drive.

He suggests:

“Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.”
― The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

I absorb Eckhart’s words when I’m alone on my daily trek, and I find myself leaning upon them with Jeb in the car, while Pitbull and Christina Aguilera pump through the stereo. As superficial as the songs may seem on the surface, the more I listen, the more I hear a yearning to transcend time.

“One day when the light is glowing
I’ll be in my castle golden
But until the gates are open
I just wanna feel this moment”

The message comes through in the guise of bass beats, extreme production, electronic keyboards, and vibrato notes, but it’s there all the same. The human desire to be free.

So, as the bass pumps through our speakers and Macklemore and Ryan Lewis are chorusing

“Here we go back, this is the moment
Tonight is the night, we’ll fight ’til it’s over
So we put our hands up like the ceiling can’t hold us
Like the ceiling can’t hold us”

I rest on the teachings of Eckhart Tolle.

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”
― A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose

No need to change the station playing in our car. Instead I tune my inner dial to the now. Enjoy the soundtrack solidifying this experience with my son.

We are driving on the bridge over the Wailua River. Kalalea mountain rises to a point in the distance. A blue sky domes above us. The air conditioning is broken in our Toyota so our windows are down. Warm salt air mixes with passing cars and swirls our hair in the cab. Red dust is on the console. Jeb’s fingernails are covered in paint. He sips a homemade smoothie from a mason jar. He is nine and a half years old. I will be 40 in a few days. A male voice echoes the station ID, tough and serious: “Island Jams! FM 98. All hits.” This the summer of 2013.

The ceiling can’t hold us.

A Bit Fowl

Summer’s on and I’m driving. As in, driving a lot.

With nothing much offered in the way of summer activities for Jeb on this side of our island, I’ve committed to the hour and a half, round trip, trekking to art camp for the next four weeks. (That’s an hour and a half in the morning and hour and a half in the afternoon, mind you).

No, we haven’t found anyone to ride share. Yes, this burns a ton of fossil fuel and takes its toll on my vehicle. No, this kind of commute isn’t all that bad in an island paradise. And yes, people all over drive this far to work on a daily basis.

The bottom line is Jeb loves the camp, I get my work done, and the two of us get a little mother/son time as we travel.

This driving has also gotten me out of my limited five-mile radius between home, market and the post office. I’m taking in the sights like a tourist and sometimes what I see is puzzling.

Take for instance, the 8am opening of the tilting restaurant shack, Chicken in a Barrel BBQ. I remember years ago when this was a sandwich and smoothie place. There’s a new sign now, painted with a chicken surfing inside a wave.

In the early morning light, smoke billows from barrels housed inside a chain link fenced enclosure, not far from picnic tables and the roadside. The sun is coming up, as a human dressed in a matted, chicken costume, stands waving at passing traffic. They are pacing in excitement upon giant, orange poultry feet, welcoming passersby and nodding their bobbley chicken beak in greeting.

This all strikes me as peculiar.

So I ask Jeb about it.

“You know that chicken in a bucket place near the road, in town?”

“Mom, you mean chicken in a barrel? It’s barrel, mom. Not bucket.”

“Oh, right. That makes sense. The chicken is surfing inside the barrel of a wave. Of course.” I laugh.

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Well, I noticed the other morning, that there’s this person that is dressed in a chicken costume that stands outside and waves at the traffic, as if they’re trying to get people to come to the restaurant.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen that. So what about it?”

“Well, don’t you think it’s kind of strange?”

“What’s strange about it? It’s a chicken at a restaurant that cooks chicken.”

“Exactly, my point. Don’t you think it’s a little odd to have a chicken in front of a restaurant calling in people to come inside and eat chicken? It’s like it’s saying, ‘Hey everyone, come on in and eat my kin.'”

Jeb still doesn’t see my point. “Right, it’s a chicken telling people about the chicken. What’s weird about that?”

“Okay, well look at it like this. What if a human were standing in front of a restaurant with a bunch of smoking barbecue barrels saying, ‘come on inside and eat some humans.'”

Jeb ponders for a moment as his face morphs into an ‘ah-ha’. “Oh, you’re right! Wow. That’s just wrong.”

“So you see what I’m saying? It just seems strange to me. Why would that make people want to eat chicken?”

We are quiet for a bit and I can see Jeb turning the conversation over inside his head.

My questioning is not an issue of vegetarianism. I’m not thinking about whether or not a person feels alright about eating meat. I’m just wondering about the human mind and how seeing a giant, adult-sized, friendly chicken, is supposed to make a person want to sink their teeth into a smaller version of its smoked flesh.

I break our pause. “You know I’m not trying to be gross by saying humans eating humans. I just was trying to show you a different perspective.”

“No, I get it. I see what you’re saying, that is weird.”

He stops, then looks at me.

“But mom…” and he says this with respect, suggesting a bit more than his nine years of life. “You’re thinking too much.”

photo courtesy of pop culture geek
photo courtesy of pop culture geek

Eyes of the Tiger

2013-06-19painting

I’ve been visiting this painting for years and after over a decade of viewing, I am still puzzled.

The work is mammoth in proportions. That corner of a frame shown in the upper right is probably the width of my body. I believe the piece is Chinese in origin, the artist, unknown to me. It hangs as a tremendous presence in the courtyard of a sprawling seaside resort.

I first saw it 16 years ago while waiting for the Volkswagen bus I was living in to be repaired. The auto shop was a relatively short walk away from the hotel and I needed respite from beach park living. I was weary of the county park’s rudimentary public bathrooms that only ran cold water. Tired of the surly characters that gathered for cheap beers at the picnic tables by 10am. I know I wasn’t technically a guest of the hotel, but it seemed pretty harmless to sit among their artwork, wash my hands with warm water and fancy soap.

So while I hoped the mechanics could finally fix that starter issue on the bus, (an ongoing glitch, so this hotel courtyard scenario played out more than once) I spent the afternoon(s) in the shade of carved, marble pillars, playing tourist. I’d sit on the cushioned chair beneath this monumental work of art, wondering.

The Volkswagen is long-gone now. I live in a traditional house with a private bathroom and hot water on demand. I am the mother to a nine and a half-year old son. Over the years, I’ve continued to pass through that hotel courtyard. These days, the marble pillars seem more worn, the lobby, more flush with tourists. There’s an espresso bar now and the bathrooms just don’t seem as fancy as they used to. And though I don’t know who uses them anymore, they still have that privacy nook with three pay phones.

Yesterday, Jeb and I had a break between appointments and it seemed the perfect time to take a courtyard wander. Eventually, we found ourselves standing beneath the immense work of art.

“So, Jeb, I’ve been wondering about this painting for years. I’m curious what you make of it. Look at the tiger. How does it look to you?”

“Scared.”

“Yeah, I see that too. It almost looks like he’s afraid of the man that’s kneeling down. What do you think that man has in his hands?”

“Looks like a bowl of rice.”

“That’s what I thought. Okay, so the tiger seems to be looking at the man with the rice, but he looks afraid. That seems unusual to me.”

“Yeah. That does seem weird.”

“So, then I see the face of the man on top of the tiger. What does he look like to you?”

“Strong.”

“Exactly. I see that in his eyes, too. So, the man seems really steady and strong and the tiger looks afraid – afraid of food, even. I’ve been wondering about this picture for years and have never really figured it out. I just don’t fully understand what’s going on in this picture.”

Jeb and I come to no conclusions.

I attempt to take a proper photograph of the gigantic work, but sunlight makes reflections and its size won’t even come close to fitting in my frame.

There remains a story here, of which I do not know the details.

There are elements of power, humility, humankind and nature. The tale this painting tells must be of great import. I imagine the artist scaling ladders to bring his vision to life. The great lengths it took to sail this colossal piece to our small island. The significance it held for the designers of the hotel, who decided to boldly feature this epic depiction in the oasis of their courtyard.

This painting is a great gift, granting me shady respite and 16 years of curious wondering.

What does it say to you?