In A Pickle

Jeb wakes up at 2am three nights in a row.

Sleep is spent with eight-year old elbows in my neck.

But, hey, it’s Friday.

Dill in the garden goes to seed.  I cut a bouquet and bring it inside.

Jessica Dofflemyer ~ all rights reserved

Fight (gently) for Your Right

“You gotta fight for your right to party.”

My girlfriend paraphrases a classic 80’s Beastie Boys song. She’s not talking about boozing it up, though. What she means is that we all only have one life. This day. This hour. And the only one deciding how we live it, is us.

As technology ramps, making us available to each other every nanosecond, it seems expectations increase. Our time, these moments of living that make up a space in which we call our lives, is pulled in multiple directions. Each direction calls, as we attempt to navigate our way through the chaos.

So what am I trying to articulate here in this mass of unorganized words?

I am a fool that longs for balance!

All the while, reality appears to laugh at my desire to have things flow in some perfected sense of equilibrium and harmony. To think! There’s some place where I could sit and sigh, throw my feet up and sip a lemonade? Say that I’ve finally arrived at perfection? Ahhh! Sweet balance. Hah!

As I juggle schedules, a dinner that includes protein and greens, 2nd grade math, and some semblance of romance with my sweetheart over laundry (oh yeah, and maybe floss my teeth), I realize this idea of perfected balance is quite possibly an illusion. Some fallacy of the mind that there is a final destination to be achieved, when in fact, it’s all about the experience along the way. That big, messy, sometimes-out-of-control journey called Life.

So when my friend quotes the Beastie Boys, what I think she’s saying is that there are a million distractions on this outrageous odyssey. An infinite amount of possible paths that will gladly pull you along towards their agendas. It takes a little clarity, a little vision. You may have to wield the sword to carve out the life you want to live. This path may be a little uncharted but it’s worth the challenge to live the life you love.

photo courtesy of James Cridland

As I welcome so many beautiful changes into my life these days, I know the old routine I had grown accustomed to is shifting.

And I’ll be candid and tell you now (but if you’re one of the beautiful ones following this blog – you may have already noticed): I’ve been sleeping in for the last two weeks, barely able to post to my beloved Archives during my typical 4:30am writing hour.

Here’s where, I guess, I need to bring out the sword. Acquiesce and set an alarm, even though I have an aversion to alarm clocks. I’m seeking balance here. Fighting (with gentle, balanced intention) for my right to party.

But for the Peppers

They are small and quiet things
but for the peppers

how the Tupperware
and mass of lids
all a wreckage in the drawer
just got stacked and sorted

or that dirty corner in the laundry room
the brooms now in a row
floor swept

or how about the coffee grinder
the one he doesn’t use
shining and free
of bean dust

these silent signs
I notice

there is a suspect
at the sink
I see his bare back
busy washing
Hawaiian chili peppers
the harvest so big
just standing by the pile makes us cough

I ask things
like
“did you sweep out the laundry room?”
or
“did you clean the coffee grinder?”

without turning
“uh-huh”

simple
how this newness settles in
a few books in a foreign language
now sitting on my bookshelf
a jar of frankincense
befriends my sandalwood
my one peacock feather
has flourished now to eight

slow and seeping changes
but for the peppers

the Bohemian must have cleaned and chopped
four hundred last night
touching so many
set his skin on fire
leaving us to douse fingers
with gooey aloe
and noni lotion

I think I’m relaxing
into this gentle melding of our worlds
so loose am I
I bake chocolate cake at night
try new recipes
let Jeb stay up past his bedtime
no issue
these shifts

book shelves
drawers and cupboards
house soft and subtle changes
but yes
there is still spice

Man!
those peppers…

Jessica Dofflemyer ~ all rights reserved