Following the Sun

Breathe, breathe in the air,
cherish this moment,
cherish this breath.
Tomorrow is a new day for everyone,
brand new moon, brand new sun.
When you feel life coming down on you,
like a heavy weight.
When you feel this crazy society,
adding to the strain.
Take a stroll to the nearest waters edge
remember your place.
Many moons have risen and fallen long, long before you came.
So which way is the wind blowin’,
and what does your heart say?
~ Xavier Rudd, Follow the Sun

The Training Wheels Are Off

He’s pulling loose baby teeth out of his head with his own hands. The tooth fairy seems a mere afterthought, though the potential cash is still appealing. He points to his pillow, looks me directly in the eye, smiles and says, “I’m going to put my tooth right here, Mom.”

It’s June and Jeb’s wrapped up fourth grade. Summer’s on. I’d say he’s changed, but that would imply something that is static and complete. No, this here thing we’re doing has just begun, I suspect, and it’s all forward motion. Jeb is changing.

He and a friend fish down at the pond on their own. They ride bikes to the general store, no adult. Jeb’s doing back flips into the swimming pool, “Hey, Mom, watch this!” And I’ll nod approval (inwardly cringing) trying to sound nonchalant as I offer the reminder to push “waaay off” from the edge (already done without my prompting, but hey, I’m a Mom, this is what I do). Or is it?

Jeb’s had a decade of life lessons and my doting eyes. Seems he’s getting the hang of this Planet Earth deal. The foundation has been laid. The basics set in place. My Momness needs to take new form.

As his sphere broadens, I’m being asked to hang back (just a little). He’s learning from the world now, finding his place within it. Exploring beyond the bounds of the familiar lap of the Mother. This is a good thing. This has been the point of these last ten years of training.

Anything can happen. A Mother’s mind knows all this. So it’s a delicate balance. I’m being asked to grow up, too.

Let go, but still watch. Step to the side, but stay just close enough. Know when it’s okay to let him crash and burn (just not too hard).

I realize that this is the first time at this for both of us. It’s all one big experiment, as we navigate through this mother-child process. Ten years ago, we were one body, birthed to two. Over the years, we have been slowly, morphing, growing and stretching into our own individual spaces. One day, we will have separated to the point of no longer even sleeping in the same house.

We’ve got some time for that one, yet. For now, I’m still digesting the fact that Jeb’s feet are bigger than mine. Savoring that he still wants to hug and kiss me. Though yesterday I noticed when he sidled up beside me, we were nearly face to face. His kiss to my cheek, no tip-toes necessary. His voice so matter-of-fact. Mature.

“I love you, Mom.”

photo courtesy of Kimberley McCready
photo courtesy of Kimberley McCready

Rising

“A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.”

~ Maya Angelou     April 4th, 1928 – May 28th, 2014

Maya-Angelou

 

A profound influence on me, and the world, Maya Angelou has given me the courage to sing my song and share it. She was right there in the beginning, when I first began For the Archives in 2010. Ever-grateful for her contributions to us all. Mahalo nui loa, Maya Angelou!

 

October 8, 2010

I go to the Princeville library on a mission but they don’t have a single title by Robinson Jeffers.  I get a book of poems by Maya Angelou instead; “And Still I Rise.”  By donation only, I get a facial at the Rainbow Ministry and am told what I offer is too much.  Afterward, with a fresh face I buy a single strand of jade beads.  On my way home my surfboard almost flies off my car crossing Kalihiwai bridge when the bungee pops off while driving.

 

book cover design Janet Halverson, Random House 1978

 

After school my son loses his tooth when the tether ball hits him in the face.  I am in the fundraising meeting planning salsa dancing when he comes to me with blood smeared on his lips:  “Mom, don’t tell anyone…I lost my tooth.”

It’s Friday night and we get take out, play with beads and watch a movie.  It’s a film made by Christians but if I ignore some of the church talk I still get teary in the scenes about having faith.