Sparks and Flickers

56.9 degrees in the dark of this Kilauea morning.  That’s cold for Kauai.

I swear the honey in the squeeze bear is moving more slowly because of it.

With knee highs and an afghan, I reflect on yesterday’s post about my intent to be porous.  To let myself be truly touched by life.

To be truthful, there was no long sustained wave of open-heartedness where I was washed in blissful love light.  But there were flickers of sweetness in the day.

A co-worker called me “honey” when she told me I’d found her exactly what she needed.

The soulful surrender of a Piers Faccini‘s song over studio speakers:
Joy joy
I’m out of luck
Joy joy
I give up
(whole song here and more about yesterday’s radio show, Music as Medicine here)

Driving past a woman walking alone on a country road.  Her face smiling, the wind blowing her blouse alongside the bananas.

Greeting eyes with a long-time, handsome friend.

Holding my son in my lap as he told me about his day.

Being handed a home-grown rose in full bloom.  Inhaling the scent – and as always – being transported to Marionette road, where my great-grandmother’s roses lined the driveway and filled my seven year old head with floral love.

photo by Jessica Dofflemyer - all rights reserved

Sparks of light.  Small calls to live and feel deeply.  To let the moments permeate and pass.

6:59am.  Gonna let breakfast preparations permeate my being now.

Here’s to sparks and flickers!

Porosity

I wake in the dark to the sound of the garbage truck out on the street and the word porous in my mind.

Mmmm…a word in the mind upon first waking may be significant.

Apple’s Dictionary application defines it:

porous |ˈpôrəs|
adjective
(of a rock or other material) having minute spaces or holes through which liquid or air may pass.
• figurative not retentive or secure : he ran through a porous defense to score easily.

DERIVATIVES
porosity |pəˈräsətē; pôrˈäs-| noun
porousness noun
ORIGIN late Middle English : from Old French poreux, based on Latin porus ‘pore.’

Porosity.  Now there’s a word.  Suggesting a permeability.  An allowing of things to move and pass through.  An openness.

This past December I was on a rock-themed tour of California.  Seems stone was everywhere.  Either in the shape of some massive monolith before me, the foundation of a tower I was climbing, or as a small token in my pocket.  On more than one occasion I witnessed how these rocks had been shaped by time.

Much of what I saw would be considered to have little porosity.  And yet, despite it’s solidity, the incessant motion of repetition and time forged new shapes out of hard rock and earth.

An example:  Native grinding holes by the creekside in Central California.  When my finger tips touched the bottom, the depth of the hole was up to my elbow.

photo by Jessica Dofflemyer - all rights reserved

Or the classic photo op found at Pfeiffer Beach in Big Sur where water has cut through to shed light.

photo by Jessica Dofflemyer - all rights reserved

It’s 7:10am and I have a lunch to pack, a breakfast to make, a radio program to prep for and taxes to complete.  In summary, I gotta get on with the morning.  I’m seeking a simple way to tie ancient grinding holes, porosity and life-in-general together in a metaphorical closing sentence here.

Basically, it seems the experience of life itself shapes us.  Our beings will not remain unchanged.  For today I’ll let my form be porous and see how it feels to let it all pass through.

Playing with the Dudes

Jeb wants me to play with his dudes.

The dudes being a gaggle of plastic, two-inch tall fighters representing three distinct groups:  cowboys, Indians and the military.  They come in the rainbow colors of red, green, blue and yellow and look to be circa 1954.  Each one strikes a pose of some kind of offensive stance while holding their respective weapons.  The cowboys and military wield guns and cannons while the natives hold other more rudimentary tools of attack.

Jeb has brought these aggressive (albeit inanimate) little warriors back from his dad’s place.  There’s a no-toy-gun policy at my house (which does not apply at dad’s) and Jeb’s pushing the pacifist envelope by lining up these warring dudes on the floor of our living room.

As he does so, he explains to me the backstory.

“The cowboys and the Indians used to fight each other.  But now they’re on the same side and they’re fighting the military guys.”

As Jeb fills me in, I’m on my hands and knees in the bathroom wiping down baseboards with biodegradable, geranium scented cleaning product.  I know this is an opportunity for a teaching moment.  There must be a way somehow that I could distill the complexities of war and history into an age-appropriate conversation. But over by the toilet bowl, the conscious parenting portion of my brain is drawing a blank.

“I want you to come see my dudes.  It’s fun.  We can play with them.”

I finish up and come to see each guy standing flat on his little rounded platform of plastic.  A few characters are engaged on their bellies in aimed attack.

Jeb reaches an Indian out to me.  “Here, you’ll probably like these guys the best,” he says, without needing to say that it’s because their weapons aren’t guns.

I sit with him and he takes to positioning the different guys in odd locales, including attempts to balance one on my shoulder.  A blue cowboy stands on my knee, legs bent, with a gun pointing out in each hand.

I take him between my thumb and forefinger.  “This guy needs to chill out.  He’s got a gun in each hand.  He needs to relax a bit.”

And since we’re by the tub, I turn on the faucet and position blue, double-fisted cowboy under the tap.  The water cascades over his head until just the tips of his gun barrels break through the stream.  “Ahh…there we go.  It’s like he’s under a waterfall.  There you go, cowboy.  Just relax.”

Jeb laughs.

Some of the dudes are replicas, only varying by color.  I find three two-handed gunslingers in yellow, red and blue.  “Oh look, these guys want to dance together!”

I circle them up so that their outstretched gun barrels touch.  “Maybe ring around the rosie!”

“Oh, and these guys…”  I find two more replicas, both in blue, with weapons as extensions of their hands.  “These guys want to hug each other.  Ahhhh….”

No profound teaching moment here.  I’m more a parody of myself, really.

But Jeb already knows my feelings about guns.  They’re tools, not toys.  He knows I don’t like war games (in real life or in play).

And taboos can make things more enticing.  I try to find balance in my responses to his intrigue with weapons and war.

On this afternoon, I was willing to play with his dudes.  But I couldn’t hold back from taking his fearsome warriors, giving them hydro-therapy, making them hug, hold hands, and dance.