Posted on by Jessica Dofflemyer

Scratch-free

Continuing on the thread of the posts from the last two days, I’m still pondering the perspectives of “No Enemy” and “That Which You Resist Persists.”

I’ve also been reflecting on the beautiful word “ease” and thinking about how I want its essence to infuse my life.

If resistance is essentially a frictional “no” then perhaps its antidote is a welcoming “yes.”

Jessica Dofflemyer ~ all rights reserved

Affirmation to the moment at hand.

I used to hike hidden goat trails with friends in remote valleys.  The paths were narrow and usually overgrown with flora, especially the invasive lantana plant, full of thick thorns.  As we made our way through the underbrush someone developed a mantra “no resistance, no scratches.”  

We found that the more we relaxed into walking through the brush without recoiling or fighting the branches, the more we became almost impermeable to getting scratched.  It was an energetic, almost like Tai Chi, where we became ‘one’ with our surroundings and moved in easy coherence with our environment.

Saying “yes” to the moment doesn’t necessarily mean a passive existence.  I believe we can still shape our moments, like a sailor uses a rudder to steer a boat within the current.

To apply these metaphors to the here-and-now, I’ll tell you that Jeb has now woken from his slumber.  He’s hungry and desiring to share with me the record-breaking animals from his Book of World Records.  It’s time to prepare his lunch and make my bed.  Life calls me away from this writing realm here in the Archives.

I could either cling to the banks or simply go with the forces that are now moving me in new directions.

I know I’ve got my symbolism all overlapped.  Brambly bushes on earthen trails and the watery currents of life’s river.  I won’t resist, just accept that it’s a makeshift morning with little time for writing refinement.  Hopefully, you catch my drift.

I’m thinking ease.  I’m envisioning gentle currents with steady steering.  I’m feeling scratch-free.  I’m saying “yes.”

Posted on by Jessica Dofflemyer

Resist Persist

“That which you resist persists.”

We ate dinner at a friend’s house last night, where a six-year old was thrilled to have seven-year old Jeb to play with.  But Jeb wasn’t into it.

At first he would hide.  I guess he partially enjoyed hearing her call his name repeatedly as she hunted for him.

“Jeb…Jeb…where are you?”

Whenever she’d catch a glimpse, he’d run off into another place and she would quickly pursue trying to uncover his whereabouts.  He’d eventually give up and spend some time with her but then quickly tire when she groped at his body or got too close to his face.

At one point he comes and hides behind my body like I’m the target “safe” zone in a game of tag.  His eyes plead with me.  I can tell he’s trying to be kind but he’s reached his personal space limit.  Something distracts her and she wanders off (temporarily).

I tell him, “Use your words instead of running away.  You can explain that you just want some space.”

Seeing a clear window of escape, he nods and then dashes away downstairs before she notices.  I return to dinner prep in the kitchen with the adults.

Not much later I hear voices from outside through the screen door.  The occasional sound of a skateboard tail scrapes on cement and the voice of a little girl prods with yearning and delight., “Jeb…Jeb…Jeb.”

I hear Jeb’s voice, “I just want some space.”

She’s having none of it.  The more Jeb tries to flee, the more intent she is.  I peek out the window to see that he’s taken refuge in our car, peering out the window like a caged animal.  She is loving this.  She takes his skateboard and begins to roll around on it, certain that this will get his focused attention.

What was, at first, a desire for her to play with Jeb has now become a game of how she can get him to pay attention to her.  The more he tries to run, the more challenging her mission.  And she is determined.  She’s nowhere near hearing the word  ‘no.’

The skateboard move is the final straw and I have to go downstairs and intervene as Jeb is bee-lining to his sacred board to scoop it up and cloister it in the car.  This isn’t the exact attention she was wanting, but if it’s all she’s going to get, she’ll take it.

Looking at the phrase, “that which you resist persists“, I see it is playing out in living color for both of these kids.  Clearly, Jeb’s desire to avoid his younger peer only exacerbates her presence in his space.  And for her, the one thing she doesn’t want – Jeb to ignore her and run away – continues for as long as she employs her strategy of force.

I have compassion for both of them.  Wanting one thing but getting the opposite.  If I were a better parent I probably would have come up with a great way to help them both.  Instead, I was left to continue making requests that she give Jeb space, while eyeballing Jeb with the parental “be kind to her and do the best you can until we get home” look.  At dinner’s end, I could tell Jeb was tiring and she was gaining ground.

By the time the creative spins on his name began, “Jeb-o, Jebby…” I knew it was time to load up and go home.

On our drive back to our place I acknowledged Jeb in all of his patience.  I tried to explain to him that she simply had a desire to play, she just didn’t know how to express it in a way that felt good to him.  He actually said he was glad I was his mom and that he was thankful I supported him.  On the positive side, the situation brought he and I closer.

This morning I’m still pondering the concept, “that which we resist persists.”  What areas of my life are ‘dogging’ me?  Where can I simply surrender, thus experiencing the change I want?

Funny, it may often seem that if we relinquish to the thing we are trying to avoid, it will overtake us and we will not get what we want.  Could it really be that when we let go to that which we are afraid of, we may get the very outcome we desire?

I’m going to be a scientist and keep experimenting with this.  If you’ve already taken this one into your life-lab and have an experience to share, please chime in.  I’d love to hear the results.

Posted on by Jessica Dofflemyer

No Enemy

Not much for bumper sticker statements, I’ve always thought it a bit odd to stand on a soapbox while burning fossil fuels.

My vehicle does feature a few ornamental declarations.  There’s my license plate frame from the Surfrider Foundation with the request to “Respect the Beach.”  There’s a Polynesian rendering of a dolphin on Jeb’s backseat window, put there when he was small.  And there’s the simple, round decal suggesting “No Enemy“, adhered there to remind me, as much as anyone else.

http://www.noenemy.org

Perhaps like any profound truth, these sentiments reveal themselves in time.  Often beginning with the receiver of the message nodding in easy affirmation,  “Of course!”  But only through stages does the depth of the lesson unfold.

So it is for me and No Enemy.  Another layer has been shed, another strata to explore has been uncovered.

What if one were to apply No Enemy to disease?  To consider that which presents itself in our life as an illness (even a life-threatening one) not as an enemy.

I don’t have a life-threatening disease.  I am facing a health issue that I have been resistant to write about here in the Archives.  Snippets of my journey with a dermoid cyst on my ovary have threaded their way here on occasion, but for the most part I have remained quiet on this topic.  Mostly because I have come to no conclusions and often have not even found any interesting question beyond “why?”

For twenty years these growths have periodically announced their presence in my life, and twice I have undergone the surgical knife in order to remove them.  On one occasion the growth was so determined it overcame my ovary, resulting in the loss of a precious organ.  It would be easy to see how I could resent these persistent tumors (benign but troublesome all the same).  It could be easy to hate them (and I have).  Fight them (I’ve tried).  Wage a battle to eradicate them once and for all (a mission I have attempted, and honestly, still pursue).

The mystery (and subtle beauty, actually) is that no doctors have any idea why these growths develop and there are no known alternatives to surgery that have proven to dissolve them.  Hence, with an aversion to a third surgery, I have been left to face this present growth in all of its existence.  Ever the communicator that I am, last week we had a conversation.

Ok, it may sound strange, but the growth itself is strange and if there are options between an operating room or some dialogue, I’ll pick the chat.  Of course, I had to settle down.  Be in a still space.  But once my head was calmed, the message from this growth was clear.

It has a desire for life.  It wants to fulfill its potential.  It is compelled to grow.

Instead of shunning this mass of cells attached to my ovary, I was able for the first time to meet it in neutral territory.  It simply wanted to be.

I can relate to this.  Maybe you can too.  I want to grow.  I have an ever-burning desire to fulfill my life’s potential.  I want to be free to be.  And I don’t want to be shunned or dishonored for that.

Once I could meet the growth from this place, everything within me shifted.  I wasn’t fighting anymore.  I wasn’t resisting.  I was accepting from a very matter-of-fact perspective.  A growth of cells on my ovary wants to fulfill its potential and grow.  Ok.

For now, I’m left with knowing this but also recognizing that this growth puts my ovary at risk if it continues to grow.  From my perspective, the only way to support my overall physical health is for the growth to dissolve.

So the questions remain.
Can I honor the growth and request its death?
Is it possible that through its dissolution its potential can still be fulfilled?
Can I lovingly come in to greater health without “battling” an illness or “fighting” a disease?

Is the ultimate healing one without an enemy?

I’m still on the journey, following this thread.  For now, this is what I have discovered.

I remain open.  Curious.  Looking, learning, listening…