Our Pearl

I’ve never known what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Taking an aptitude test in high school, I was hopeful that it would finally give an answer as to what I’d be doing in the world. I was ready for my true mission to be revealed, eager and willing.

In the metal desk of that stuffy Geography classroom disappointment settled on the test results before me. A handful of vocational options were listed, one bewildering standout being “Zookeeper.” I had no leanings toward tending wild animals in cages. I was grateful to see “Writer” included in the suggestions, but that didn’t count. Everyone knew that writing wasn’t a real job.

When I was seven years old, I didn’t know the definition of aptitude. I wasn’t thinking in terms of money, or making a living. I was just living. So when I pulled my little chair up to the typewriter, engaged the CAPS lock, and started typing, I was doing it because I had a story and I was going to tap it out. There was no delete key then, all text moving forward and rolling down the page. The story’s title came first: “A Single Pearl.”

She was a miniature mermaid that had been captured in a jar by a greedy man who wanted to keep her for his own. She’d been trapped with others like herself, and together they made a plan on how to find their way back home to the ocean. Using their collective weight, they tipped the jar off the table and rolled themselves back to the sea. It was a dangerous and risky mission, but they knew they had to get out of that jar.

They made it to the ocean, but they’d been away from home for a while. Upon their return they found their place polluted, desolate and empty. All that remained was a single pearl in the sand. Our heroine and her friends forged on to find a new home. The colors of the sunset shone through the water, giving them hope as they made their way toward a new life.

It was over 35 years ago in that bedroom with the olive-green, shag carpet. The metallic sound of definitive letters clicked beneath my fingertips. There was a feeling of floating just a few inches above my chair. There was magic and inspiration. I was excited and on point. I had a story to tell.

I believe that mermaid story moment pointed toward my aptitude. But as I grew into the ‘real’ world, there was mostly talk of the job. It seemed cages and jars were all that were offered. Despite my aversion, I tried to fit myself inside. When that didn’t work, I bucked the norm by leaving college, traveling around the world, living in my van, and embracing counter-culture. I took all kinds of jobs while seeking to sustain myself. I shoveled poop, cleaned mansions, washed dishes and sold shoes. For over a decade I worked in radio. I was even paid to help manage other people’s lives. But what about my own life, my own truest purpose?

Through all of these working stints, I gained experience but my foundation was weak. I was still disempowered because my finances were meager. Even when my living situations were good, I didn’t feel fully successful. I knew there was something more inside of me that had yet to fully actualize.

I believe every one of us has a gift to offer that only they have to give. When we are in alignment with this genius, our power is immeasurable. Our contribution, critical. The rewards, extraordinary.

This past weekend I was in the company of 70 visionaries and entrepreneurs from all parts of the world, all ages, all backgrounds. We convened with a thread in common – we all know the power of superfoods – but there is more than organic nutrition that we value. We understand the gold in knowing there’s a livelihood beyond the fill-in-the-bubble test we may have been given in high school. Our ‘job’ in this world transcends the limiting list of a standard form.

This weekend I was in the presence of those that have tipped the jar. And we’re creating a new home, committed to making this place in which we live better.

I didn’t intellectually understand all of this at the age of seven at the typewriter. I was free to imagine things like mermaids made miniature. Maybe we all need to open up a little more to what is possible beyond the formulas we’re offered. Allow ourselves to let go to dream…or dream even a little bit bigger. This world is calling us. Read it in the space between the words of the latest headlines.

I’m ready to bring all of myself to this life. I’m still discovering exactly what that looks like, but for now, this morning, I’m at the keys, tapping out letters, sharing this story unfolding.

There’s a single pearl of wisdom within each of us, and it started with a grain of sand. It’s growing. This rare gem we each have to bestow upon the world.

Stretch to Dream

It’s 4:44am in the kitchen with the Bohemian. He’s eating oatmeal before leaving for work, I’m sipping Earl Grey from a glass mug. We’re wide awake at our typical daybreak hour but this morning we’re talking about dreams. Big ones.

Today’s pre-sunrise revelation comes as we discuss an anecdote for recurring negative thoughts. These menaces arise in all forms: worry about losing something or not having enough. Judgements about a co-worker, family member, random stranger, or ourselves. These slimy notions feel heavy and thick in body, soul and mind. They cloud our heads and deflate our spirits. Sometimes they loop in constant chatter, overwhelming and seemingly unstoppable.

My friend, Toni Childs, once termed this frequency Radio KF*CK. The mental station that pollutes our beings with negativity, only bringing us down. The control dial is within our reach, and we can choose to change the channel.

But what about the times when we’re in such a funk we don’t feel we have the power to turn that dial? We’re deep in the dumps and need some tool to find the strength to switch it.

Dream! Dream big!

This is the revelation of the morning. A suggested experiment to every person that finds themselves in a defeating thought pattern. Take it as a cue. No need to make negativity an enemy. How about seeing it as a messenger, even a friend? A true blue reminder that it’s time to dream again.

Next time Worry-wart Wayne shows up, maybe we could say something like, “Okay W, it’s true that I’m not yet sure what work I’m going to find. Yes, that’s something that needs to be figured out before this month’s rent payment. I hear you. Your message has been delivered and received. Thanks! Bye! I’m dreaming now about the work I want to be doing and how it’s going to plentifully support me.”

I’m not suggesting sitting in a room and fantasizing about your dream job is going to make the phone ring with an employment offer (though anything is possible). I’m proposing that the power of dreams, with its light-hearted, mind-expanding energy of possibility can lift us out of worry into action, moving us toward what we really want.

When we get caught in thinking only of the mess of this world, the weight of those stressful, gooey thoughts can be a simple reminder that we’re ready to dream something better. What do we want the world to be? What’s our greatest vision for this life?

Everything we see in the material world began with a vision in someone’s mind. We are living in a collection of dreams made real. There is no limit to the things we can realize.

So let’s gather the dreamers and juice up our inspirations. Let’s use our worries and fears as mere signposts pointing the way to dream better, bigger.

Let’s see how vastly we can dream and bring it into our lives, our world, our hearts, our minds.

At least that’s the inspiration for the day. I’m going to try it. Those on board with the experiment, tell me how it goes.

Super Love

The following piece is a vulnerable sharing of where I’ve been this past year in mind, body, spirit. It will remain posted as an “Offering” titled SUPERFOODS on the home page here on the Archives. I am so grateful for all those following the Archives, and the time felt right to tune in and express where I’ve been and where I’m now going…Wishing healthy abundance to each and everyone of you!

This whole WordPress experiment began seven years ago when I started blogging as a single mother of a six-year old, posting nearly every day. At the time, the blog was both my challenge and my lifeline. Never did I imagine after my 40 day commitment that I would still be here, years later, typing out words to the ether.

For those that have followed the Archives over the years (thank you for your time and encouragement!), you may have noticed that posts from me have significantly dwindled as of late.

Currently, Jeb’s officially a teenager (with the ability to forge agreements not to divulge all of those personal mom-stories anymore). And four years ago I married the Bohemian, bringing a love into my life that I had dared to imagine, but wondered if I’d ever truly find.

Nowadays, Jeb does his own laundry and takes solo bus trips around town. I live with the love of my life in a house in the country. Last year we welcomed a dog into the picture, the sweetest Labrador I’ve ever known. We are healthy and living in Hawaii. I’ve come a long way from the days of raising a toddler in a converted barn with a hot plate, a John Deere tractor, and an empty refrigerator.

I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I’ll confess that at the end of 2016 I was left to really look at myself and see that despite all of the gifts threading my life, there was something deep within that was unhappy. There was nothing specific that I could pinpoint as the cause, there was just a low-level hum of angst that reverberated at the baseline of my everyday.

This dissatisfaction was made manifest in many ways. I withdrew from friends, hunkering down like a hermit, opting out of social gatherings. I lost inspiration in my art, writing less and rarely taking photographs. I became more impatient, hearing the edge in my voice with my son and husband over small household issues. As I watched myself souring to the nectar of life, I added insult to injury by looping critical, self-judgements in my head. Had I just become some post-40 year old woman with too many creature comforts to appreciate? Had I fallen into the realm of having luxurious “problems”? I judged myself for judging myself, and felt helpless to stop the negativity. I felt ashamed to be struggling when I knew there were others in the world with life and death predicaments, real problems. I believed I should be happy and felt guilty that I wasn’t.

As 2016 came to a close I dug deeper. It felt like the whole world was suffering through massive changes and I was powerless to affect anything. I sought my own quiet space within and earnestly asked how I could help. The answer that came was to make it better with myself. It made sense that if I was in a clear and balanced place, then I would be in finer form to contribute to the whole. Yet I wondered how to make things better for myself. I’d been struggling with this for years and hadn’t made any headway.

The Bohemian and I booked an impromptu session at the local spa to celebrate our four-year wedding anniversary. As I sat in the mist of the steam room, sweating out the funk of 2016, I welcomed in the new. I asked for more guidance. How could I help myself?

I guess I expected a directive that would be philosophical in nature. Something broad-reaching and poetically profound. But what beamed through the haze of that tiled closet of steam was something much more practical and utterly clear: change what you’re eating.

The guidance was surprising, but so apparent that I didn’t question it. Changing what I ate was something that I could certainly affect. I wasn’t sure how much of a difference it would make to the world, but if my coming in to balance was to start with food, then that was a small step I was willing to try.

What followed was a connection with a long-time friend, who had been regularly posting on Facebook about the transformative results of ingesting superfoods. She claimed they had radically changed her life, not only in her physical health, but in her mental and spiritual realms, as well. I was skeptical that some powder and tablets could help me anymore than the organic fruits and vegetables I was regularly consuming, but dedicated to following the direction from my steam-room request, I agreed to try the superfoods for 10 days.

What transpired is the basis of inspiration for this post. I’m finally articulating the dis-ease I’ve been experiencing over the last few years. This is a cathartic measure. And I’m celebrating the beauty of such a simple step that transformed everything in my reality. When I incorporated those potent, high-density, organic, non-gmo, superfoods into my body, my cells changed. My body changed. I lost eight pounds and gained muscle tone. My mind became clear. I was inspired. Errands in the world became opportunities to share connection with friends and strangers. My work was easier, as I no longer felt exhausted mid-day, but instead, experienced a consistent energy that sustained until bedtime. My patience with my family was markedly improved. The negative jabs towards myself in my mind, had been replaced with compassion and encouragement. I looked in the mirror and saw my true self. I was home again.

I know it may sound radical, or even hard to believe. That by flooding my body with phyto-nutrients, I could affect change on every level of my being in such a short time. But this is what happened. And the Bohemian noticed. The shift was so evident that he started sampling my goods. He’d long been struggling with a dullness in his days. Uninspired by work, and overtaxed, he was left exhausted by the end of the day, and feeling stuck in a habitrail of routine, going nowhere. His body was constantly sore, and the structural integration and acupuncture treatments he’d been trying were not eliminating the discomfort.

After three days of sharing my superfoods, my husband was whistling around the house again. That old tune from our early days together, “When the Saints Come Marching In,” was now coming through between smiles as he washed dishes at the kitchen sink. As we were lighter, Jeb noticed too. He began mixing up his superfoods power shake before school every morning, telling me that he felt healthier.

It’s been about 40 days since all of this began. We’ve incorporated the superfoods into our daily routine, and we are experiencing a potent shift. In this 40 day period I have been resetting my metabolism and bringing my body back in balance. The Bohemian is newly inspired, full of energy, whistling and planting trees. Jeb’s learning about what it feels like to put real nourishment into his body. We’re still a family finding our way, but our home reverberates with greater harmony and ease.

I didn’t think that change could be this simple. Superfoods may not solve every challenge life brings, but they offer a foundation of wellness that can assist in facing any problem we may have. Life is better when I put these potent, high quality, phyto-nutrients in my body. These tools have been so powerful for me I want to share them with anyone that is looking for a change.

Contact me, and I’ll tell you all I know. I’ll point you down the path where you can learn more. I’ll help you get the superfoods delivered to your door.

Never did I think that I’d be writing a blog post about this. But then again, I didn’t imagine after my initial 40 days of typing out some words on single motherhood, that I’d still be here in the Archives and sharing.

Lao Tzu said, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” I encourage you to take your step. Let it lead you in the direction of your heart’s beckoning.

May we all be well and living our dreams.