Stealing a Slice of the Moon

I wake at 4:30am with a thought that I’ve plagiarized my father.

It was that cheddar cheese moon line in my last post “Don’t Forget the Dolphins.” The words that were whispered to me, ever-so quietly, by the right-side lobe of my brain that was backseat driving.

It was offering artful angles on my daily practicalities. Reminding me of the beauty back-dropping my to-do lists.

“Come on, tell them about that rising full moon at dusk. The color of cheddar cheese and bigger than the sun. How it seemed to rise out of the two-lane road as you and the Bohemian drove, side by side, salt-coated from your sunset swim. Go on, tell them.”

Oh, that frontal lobe and its backseat cues. Did it lead me to steal?

Cheddar cheese, cheddar cheese. I wake with this thought that, perhaps, I’d just recently read a poem of my dad’s pairing the moon with a yellow-orange block of dairy.

He’s the poet of the family (and I’m proud to say he was recently given his second Wrangler Award for Outstanding Poetry Book by the National Cowboy and Western Heritage Museum – congratulations, Dad!).

Me, I’m only putting words on the page and justifying margins. And now, I’m wondering if I’m an inadvertent plagiarizer, as well.

I scan the posts from my father’s blog, Dry Crik Journal, trying to find a cheese reference. As I search, I recall growing up with chunks of cheddar as a staple in the family ‘ice box.’ The sharp, pungent scent that would rise from the block as it warmed on the cutting board. My father, passing through the kitchen, to slice a thick slab and snack.

I keep searching his words but my poem perusing turns up empty. I find no reference to cheddar cheese and the moon from my father. Was it some other poet?

brain_colour_cropped

Nerve fibers connect and fire some electrical storm of All-things in my head. Intuition and dreams are housed beside logic and systems. To-do lists get mapped to poetry. My brain is one big mix of what’s been soaked in and what wants to seep out. I don’t know where the cheddar cheese and moon came from.

Dad, if I snagged it from you, I apologize, and I’ll offer up credit where it’s rightly due. If I sourced from some other writer in the world, thank you for gifting me the shade of which to describe that rising moon. Cheddar cheese color it was, and you named the palette.

To anyone that loves the moon, or who can appreciate a good chunk of cheddar, let’s all gather round the cutting board in the kitchen. Have a snack and share a slice.

 

courtesy of quinn.anya
courtesy of quinn.anya

Chicken or the Egg

I should not be here. I should be sleeping in bed.

And though, the truth is, I am, technically, in bed, I am not yet resting. I am typing, instead. Watching my mind mull over which comes first, the chicken or the egg.File:Hatching

It was last Saturday evening, when the Bohemian, Jeb and I, found ourselves at Mary’s house for an outdoor dinner party. The winds were up and Jeb and the Bohemian had launched a kite out in the field at sunset.

The weather was certainly not what would be deemed “cold”. In fact the Oregonians that were present, made laughing comments about the islanders that were bundling up against the gusts. They could laugh all they liked, I was feeling under-dressed in jeans, boots and a sweater. I borrowed a scarf from Mary. Put on my jean jacket.

Still, around 6pm, I could feel something coming on. Every whip of the wind agitated me to the core. I began to feel uncomfortable in my skin. It was something like cat hair beginning to itch at the back of my throat. Everything in me just wanted to go home to bed.

It’s taken nearly forty years to know my body’s signals. This one I knew. I was on the edge of getting sick. And, unfortunately, half of the dinner party had not yet arrived, and had called to say they were about an hour delayed. This was going to be a long night.

I came to the Bohemian as he straightened the string on the fallen kite, ready to launch it again.

“You know, I feel funny. Like I think I’m on the verge of getting sick.”

“Really?”

He got the last tangle out, then backed up as I took the kite in my hands.

“Yeah. I mean, if I were to be honest, I’d just like to go home, take a warm shower and get in bed. But I feel like I should stay here for the dinner.”

As my words swirled with the wind, I was acutely aware.

You know, sometimes, we are not aware.   We just push ourselves beyond what our physical bodies would like, but we don’t even know we’re doing it. Then, all of a sudden, there we are in the aftermath, sick in bed, as if it had come out of nowhere.

This was different. As I held the kite in my hand and the Bohemian pulled back, lifting it into the wind, I was quite conscious that I was at a crossroads.

Pulling in one direction was the prompting from every cell of my body, that it needed to be out of the elements and resting. Tugging the other way was my mind, rationalizing that I needed to stay at the party and fulfill my social obligation. That I could rise above and actually enjoy myself, if I just got over this inclination of needing/wanting to go home.

The kite airborne, the Bohemian staked the string, and joined me in a small shelter from the wind. I chose to stay at the party, but sensed I was taking a risk that would only reveal the consequences in time.

The rest of the invitees eventually arrived. We had great food and I made some deep connections with old friends. It felt good that I had stayed.

So, it was about 3am, back in the comfort of home, when I rose from bed with a terrible sore throat. It hurt to swallow, my head full and sore behind my eyebrows. I knew this feeling. And as I searched the medicine drawer in the dark for some throat spray, I felt a mix of I-told-you-so and disappointment.

Righteous and vindicated, in some twisted way, that I had indeed sensed I was getting sick at the party. Disappointed that I had not followed my instincts.

And then, this lingering question. If our thoughts shape our reality, did thinking that I was getting sick, actually make it so?

Was there a moment that night with the kite, the wind and my fear, when I simply wrote the story that I was getting sick? Did I believe my tale so completely that it happened?

Or was I “truly” getting sick and had the intuition?

Which came first? The sickness or the story?

And if I would have come home that night, honoring body over mind, would I have averted a sore throat?

For three days now, I’ve been powering through. Working, mothering, wifing (is that a verb?) all the while ingesting noni, turmeric, ginger, Echinacea, garlic and miso soup. I haven’t been able to shake this little bug. So, today, I am in bed (albeit, typing) with a new story: health in body and mind.

I haven’t pondered the age-old question of the chicken and the egg in quite a while. Has it ever been scientifically answered?

In my little metaphor of sickness and story, would the chicken be the sickness and the story be the egg?

I’m curious to hear the thoughts of any readers out there, as at this point, I think my egg is scrambled.

Here’s to health (and guiding intuition)!

I am no Luddite, but…

My father replies to yesterday’s Out of Range post with a question: “Are we Luddites?”

Well, I’ll be honest, I had to Wikipedia that one to discover that, no, I don’t believe I am.

(Link here, but quickly defined: English textile workers in the 19th century that violently protested against the machinery that was replacing them in the mills).

File:LudditeViolent protest, I do not support, but their questioning of the virtues of modern conveniences was wise. For them, it impacted their very livelihood. Machines replacing people.

Are there common threads today?

There was a time in the mid-nineties when I lived on a tiny, secluded island, walked to work at a cottage store where I beaded necklaces, and swore I would never own a computer. Clearly that has changed.

I am quite grateful to use technology as a tool and it has enhanced my life (the Archives, here, as a case in point) in many ways.

So what’s my beef?

Yesterday I complained that with all of this technology, I feel implicitly obligated to answer to it (text messages, email, voicemail). I wonder if I am simply anti-social and today’s tools just won’t let me get away with it. True, I can be a hermit, but I think it’s more than that.

To be clear, I care deeply about the friends and family that take time to call or email me. So, it’s not the communication with people that bothers me.

What I find interesting (and concerning) is how we relate to these communication tools and how these means of communication affect our relationships with each other.

Take texting at the dinner table, for instance. The question has been posed as to whether or not this is impolite.

For me, the answer is obvious, but for many, it’s perfectly fine (in fact, necessary) to be linked in with whoever, wherever, whenever. Dinner table with friends, no matter.

In my view, this is a case where technology not only creates, what I believe, to be a false sense of urgency, it also diminishes our ability to connect with what’s right in front of us: our very friends and family (and food!) we came to share with.

The Luddites might very well be drop-kicking smart phones by the dozen, should they see a table full of friends, eyes locked to screens instead of each other.

Ironic, this device, promising more accessibility to ‘right now’, when it can actually remove us even further from the present.

But I am no fundamentalist. In truth, I have thoroughly enjoyed being at a restaurant with friends, exchanging a few text messages with someone who wasn’t able to join us that night. In this case, the phone brought more connection, especially for the friend that couldn’t make it.

But at some point in the evening, I was done with the small screen and was ready to look into the faces of everyone at the table. Enjoy the restaurant. Though I noticed, that my friend still kept her phone close, ever-ready for the vibration that would alert the next incoming communication.

For me, there have got to be times I cut the cord.

And the time when I plug back in will vary.

I guess I’m hoping that my friends and family will understand this. Know that I love them, even if I didn’t call.

I’m not suggesting a revolution, but perhaps a quiet protest once in a while. Power off our phones at dinner. Look into each other’s eyes, face to face, tech-free.

We can answer emails tomorrow.