Buffer Zone

I push the alarm back another hour. Let myself rest.

It was a fitful night of rain and wind. Moodah the dog just kept waking. Whining to go outside, then barking in the dark at shadows, not coming back inside when I called.

My sleep was stitched with remnants of dishonest corporation heads and buffer zones against toxic pesticides. I must have been digesting the segment I saw before bed. Twenty minutes of film footage taken from the twelve-hour county council session that dedicated a portion of ‘dialogue’ with the representatives of some of the largest agrichemical companies in the world: Syngenta, Pioneer, Dow, and BASF.

When asked basic questions by council member Gary Hooser, such as “Could any of you disclose to me the amount of general-use pesticide that you use on an annual basis?,” the seed company representatives sat silent.

Council member Hooser resigned, “I’ll take your silence as a ‘no.'”

Their silence remained through multiple questions that tried to find some sort of common ground with an industry that has taken up 15,000 acres of Kauai land and turned it into an experimental test ground for genetically modified organisms and the exorbitant amount of pesticides that go along with them.

With an annual amount of 18 tons of restricted use pesticides being employed (not including the undisclosed amount of general use pesticides), the 500 foot buffer zone proposed by Bill 2491 seems less than adequate to protect school children, hospitals and waterways. In my opinion, 500 feet is not going to stop the drift carried on our island’s trade winds, or limit the seepage into our water supply.

And yet, these companies, when asked if the Bill were to compromise by removing the provisions for buffer zones in certain instances, they responded, yet again, with silence.

Before giving birth to my son, ten years ago, I used to host a call-in talk show. I followed the news, I got passionate with causes. But after giving birth, everything shifted. All of my energy wanted to funnel into raising my son. I traded in newspapers for non-violent communication parenting workshops.

So I am a bit surprised to see this issue seep into my dream time. Maybe because I know it’s one which has such farther implications than just the health of my island. It certainly affects the future of our planet, the future of generations to come.

We may appear as grown ups at the helm, but why does it feel like we’re toddlers that were just given a lighter and a tank of propane? Do we really have the wisdom to hold these tools of technology in our hands?

Today there is the anniversary of one surreal morning when planes crashed into gleaming towers. There are now cell phones that no longer need passwords, just your fingerprint. Someone has created a gun with their printer. The president wants to strike abroad against the use of chemical weapons, while American doctors won’t be told the names of the toxic chemicals used near the playgrounds of our own children.

This is why I stopped tapping into to current events and started hiding out in the garden.

This morning, I’d really love a buffer zone (for us all).

2013-09-11_water garden leaf

Beer or Milk for Breakfast

School’s back in session and Jeb and I are finding our way into the routine. This means a drop at the bus stop before 7am and the chance for me to walk Moodah the dog before getting into my own work for the day.

Still dialing in our auto-pilot mode, yesterday was a bit of an oversleep. Jeb loaded in the car with one shoe on and one in hand. We were out of milk and I had not yet had my coffee.

Moodah paced inside the car between front seat and back, not sure where to go in the excitement generated by Jeb’s encouragement, “Just go Mom, we’ll miss the bus…just go.”

We made it to the bus stop just in time for loading. I breathed a sigh of relief and defiantly rearranged morning priorities. Choosing coffee over exercise, I pulled into the parking lot of our local convenience store, which happens to be across the street from the yoga studio where I stopped practicing about six months ago (I’ll spare you my reasoning here).

At 6:45am, the mini mart is full of early-bird shoppers and the yogis will soon begin sun salutations. I tell myself there is no need for non-yoga guilt, but can’t help but feel a slight impulse to slip quickly into the market, unseen.

A van towing sea kayaks pulls up next to the store, and I try to make it inside before the stream of sleepy-eyed tourists in day-glow rash guards stream inside. No such luck. I don’t beat the locals either. When I enter the mini-mart, there is already a line at the register of men buying styrofoam cups filled with coffee and packs of cigarettes.

They do sell organic milk, so I grab the last one on the shelf and take my place in line behind the guy in a t-shirt, jeans and scruffy work boots. The mini-mart is abuzz. People from town recognize each other and talk story between the chip aisles. The touring kayakers wander the shelves looking for anything familiar.

The line moves and the man in front of me puts down on the counter his Spam musubi (it’s kind of like a Spam sushi roll), cup of mini-mart coffee, Bud Light in an extra tall can, and asks for menthol cigarettes. It’s not yet 7am.

Non-yoga guilt is given new perspective.

photo courtesy of Mac Walsh
photo courtesy of Mac Walsh

If I’m completely honest, I would have to admit that when I see my fellow patron’s purchase, a judgment comes to mind. So quickly these thoughts pop into the head. But after I paid for my milk and went towards my car, I realized I was judging myself, as well.

And even if I know I shouldn’t care, I’m thinking that others may be judging me too.

Because, there I am, walking out of the convenience store, going home for coffee instead of doing my morning practice. And in my hand, a half-gallon of (gasp!) dairy product. No bonus points for organic when your yoga instructor’s vegan. I can see those flexible yogi necks shaking heads in disapproval, as they catch a glimpse of me through their steamy windows.

There she is, she used to practice…looks like she fell off the wagon.

Bud Light or milk for breakfast. We all get choices in life’s spectrum.

That morning, I had my reasons for my choosing. Life will have natural consequences for my actions, guaranteed. So, who’s to judge?

In the end, I got my coffee and Moodah and I took an abbreviated walk, where we both soaked in some Vitamin D and fully respirated.

One could say it’s all a yoga, really. Even the early morning mini-mart scene. All the humans doing their do. Actions, reactions. Choices made in every moment.

My greatest practice these days, is to notice.

photo courtesy of Fox Kiyo
photo courtesy of Fox Kiyo

Fun with Time and Space

I wake at 4am but stay in the warmth of bed, drafting poems in my head.

I stitch together words about the palpable silence, enfolding me like velvet.

Craft prose about my nine-year old’s ability to now use tweezers on his own.

I sift in the warmth of jersey sheets, the soft pillow under my head, the scent of aloe soap on the Bohemian’s bare skin next to me. I do not want to leave this bed to write. I’d like to languor here, right now.

And so I do, until I drift back to dreams, sleeping in til sunrise.

Since I’m on vacation this week, I’ll allow myself to drop kick my writing discipline.

Take a morning hike with Jeb and Moodha the dog instead. We wander through damp guava groves and forests of norfolk pines. As we walk, he’ll occasionally pose a question toward the future afternoon.

“Can we watch a movie when we get home?”

“Right now we’re in the guavas with Moodah. Let’s be here for now.”

Jeb offers good reminders.

Funny, this time/space thing. The here and now.

Right now in this moment, I post forest photos from the past, intended for your viewing in the future. Go figure.

Wherever you find yourself on the continuum, I hope you are enjoying your present.
2013-07-16redleafonmoss 2013-07-16boydogforest 201307-16mirrordroplet 2013-7-16hauflower