Buffer Zone

I push the alarm back another hour. Let myself rest.

It was a fitful night of rain and wind. Moodah the dog just kept waking. Whining to go outside, then barking in the dark at shadows, not coming back inside when I called.

My sleep was stitched with remnants of dishonest corporation heads and buffer zones against toxic pesticides. I must have been digesting the segment I saw before bed. Twenty minutes of film footage taken from the twelve-hour county council session that dedicated a portion of ‘dialogue’ with the representatives of some of the largest agrichemical companies in the world: Syngenta, Pioneer, Dow, and BASF.

When asked basic questions by council member Gary Hooser, such as “Could any of you disclose to me the amount of general-use pesticide that you use on an annual basis?,” the seed company representatives sat silent.

Council member Hooser resigned, “I’ll take your silence as a ‘no.'”

Their silence remained through multiple questions that tried to find some sort of common ground with an industry that has taken up 15,000 acres of Kauai land and turned it into an experimental test ground for genetically modified organisms and the exorbitant amount of pesticides that go along with them.

With an annual amount of 18 tons of restricted use pesticides being employed (not including the undisclosed amount of general use pesticides), the 500 foot buffer zone proposed by Bill 2491 seems less than adequate to protect school children, hospitals and waterways. In my opinion, 500 feet is not going to stop the drift carried on our island’s trade winds, or limit the seepage into our water supply.

And yet, these companies, when asked if the Bill were to compromise by removing the provisions for buffer zones in certain instances, they responded, yet again, with silence.

Before giving birth to my son, ten years ago, I used to host a call-in talk show. I followed the news, I got passionate with causes. But after giving birth, everything shifted. All of my energy wanted to funnel into raising my son. I traded in newspapers for non-violent communication parenting workshops.

So I am a bit surprised to see this issue seep into my dream time. Maybe because I know it’s one which has such farther implications than just the health of my island. It certainly affects the future of our planet, the future of generations to come.

We may appear as grown ups at the helm, but why does it feel like we’re toddlers that were just given a lighter and a tank of propane? Do we really have the wisdom to hold these tools of technology in our hands?

Today there is the anniversary of one surreal morning when planes crashed into gleaming towers. There are now cell phones that no longer need passwords, just your fingerprint. Someone has created a gun with their printer. The president wants to strike abroad against the use of chemical weapons, while American doctors won’t be told the names of the toxic chemicals used near the playgrounds of our own children.

This is why I stopped tapping into to current events and started hiding out in the garden.

This morning, I’d really love a buffer zone (for us all).

2013-09-11_water garden leaf

Life in the Big City

Ten months to the date from when the Bohemian and I got married in the taro patch on the Garden Isle, I’m dreaming of a second wedding. As in, I’m having a dream in which we are in New York city readying ourselves for another wedding ceremony.

In the dream, it’s understood that the Bohemian and I are already married. For some reason, we’re doing an encore, as friends gather, dresses are donned, and the excitement builds with the approaching big day.

The build-up is a familiar feeling, as I still recall the eight months of to-do lists I amassed during the process of planning our real wedding celebration. I was involved in every detail, from the table cloths to the candle count. The Bohemian and I even grew the kale that was served at our buffet.

But in this dreamy New York city wedding, our big day had come and I realized I knew nearly nothing of the event. As I readied myself for the ceremony, it dawned on me that I had no idea where we were getting married.

When I asked someone (some unfamiliar character that seemed to be in charge, quite possibly the officiant) he told me that we were to be wed at St. Michael’s church. Now, in my entire life, I’ve spent all of five hours in NYC. And though I have no knowledge of such a place, I’m sure there is at least one St. Michael’s church in that city. In the dream I am surprised. The Bohemian and I are not religious. We don’t even go to church. As time moves closer to the ceremony, I’m wondering, “Why aren’t we getting married in Central Park?”

2013-08-30_wedding dress

I wake with the odd feeling of being on the precipice of one of the most important events of my life, but completely ignorant of its detail. Disconnected. Out of control. And the fear that by leaving it in the hands of others, it won’t feel like my own.

I’ll admit, I’m a bit of a control-freak, though I’d like to think I’m a fairly effective one. Except when it comes to controlling my control-freakishness. It’s such a habit. And one with a good defense for sticking around. It gets stuff done, gosh darn it.

As a woman who was single for the first seven years of my son’s life, some do-it-yourself patterns have been engrained. But my son is nearly ten now, adventuring to stretch his wings. And I’m married, with a helpful partner, who is often there in quiet support if I’d just settle down enough to let myself be bolstered.

Life’s just one big event that will allow you all your planning. But it gives the final check-off, or, perhaps, just wads your list up altogether.

I don’t want to get married at St. Michael’s church in New York City in a dress I didn’t choose. But I also don’t want to try to box my life into the confines of my limited list of to-do’s. I want room for the unexpected, pleasant-kind of surprises. That’s where the magic lives.

In my waking world, I’m finding myself somewhere in between holding on and letting go. Sometimes it’s flowing like an inspired melody. Other times, I’m tripping all over myself.

I guess it’s all playing out in my dreams. My fears of letting others take the lead, only to find myself going down the wrong path. But I guess that’s the risk of love in the concrete jungle. Just a part of life in the big city.

Addendum
Simply curious, an online search brings me to the website of one St. Michael’s church in Manhattan. Apparently, a rather historic one known for its Tiffany glass and pipe organs. It’s been standing since 1807 and seems quite welcoming.

This Episcopal church has a website, which kindly states, “We are a community of great diversity seeking to offer God’s radical hospitality to all who enter our doors. Wherever you come from, whatever your age, whomever you love, however you believe, you are always welcome here.”

Radical, yes.  It welcomed me in my dreams!

photo courtesy of Wikipedia
photo courtesy of Wikipedia

Seeding

2013-06-09pumpkin_seeds

I make the pumpkin coconut soup and the Bohemian saves the seeds.

He’s got a little collection stashed – bush beans, watermelon and now, pumpkin.

We don’t yet know where we will be living in November, but we’re storing seeds and dreaming of that future garden.

I hope there’s plenty of room to grow. So far, current starter crops are stretchers – all tendril and vine.