Listening to Stones

As Jeb and I spend our last days in California, I’m scanning the surrounding hills for our next adventure.

When I was about his age, these foothills watched me in summer heat, slip into swimming holes where toes mingled with algae and pollywogs. In the winter, my siblings and I would pull on our ‘moon boots’, the shoes made for snow but excellent for slick grass and granite boulder hopping. We’d comb the hillsides, climbing up – sometimes on all fours – and then run back down, digging our thick-soled shoes into the decline.

Long before us, Native people lived among these rocks and crannies. They were intimate with the Oaks that gifted the acorns that fed them. Not far from the creek bed, there still remains the grinding holes where generations of women sat working to feed their families. A tradition practiced for so long it shaped stone.

As a children we could sense something special here. There were no stories or explanations. But we could feel it in the rocks. Memories retained in granite. The limbs of an old Oak tree echoing of something ancient and mysterious.

I like to take Jeb here and let him feel it too. In a time and place where natural spaces are rapidly being lost to construction and pavement, I know this place, these moments, are rare.

This year my father gifted me last year’s Christmas poem, not long after we brought his grandsons down off the hill. It seems we have our own small tradition. The grinding holes are no longer used, but if nothing else, the landscape is still here to experience. These rocks abide to share. The foothills whisper.

Now with my son, I lean in close and listen.

CHRISTMAS 2010

                                                  The dead,
too, denying their graves, haunt
the places they were known in and knew,
field and barn, riverbank and woods.
– Wendell Berry (“2008, X.”)

Even now the headstones claim
little flats beneath nameless draws
either side of the house, rough

granite boulders set at the head
of deep holes filled for horse and dog –
where the deer lay down to shade

when I was a boy, and women healed
the spirit, burning sage, chanting
until they fell asleep. Hollow ground

to horses’ hooves where my children
played pretend, those great imaginings
that beg to fly – now walk their sons,

listening – feet wet in grass.
To come home for Christmas can be
a gift – so many voices welcoming.

 – John Dofflemyer

courtesy of Amanda Bouscher
courtesy of Amanda Bouscher
Jessica Dofflemyer ~ all rights reserved

Fanning Flames

In my California mornings, I reinvigorate the fire.

In early light, the sun not yet crested above the surrounding hills, I bundle in layers and follow my breath to the fire pit. The coals from last night’s big Oak round have burned down to a few pulsing cinders.

With cold hands, I gather the small sticks, a toss of Oak leaves, and begin to fan the flames. Sometimes Jeb is with me and we can huddle around the smokey pile, feeding and blowing in delicate attention. Other times he’ll wander off to stand among the dogs that wrestle on the frosted grass, leaving me to stoke alone.

I can pull my hair back with one hand and bend in close to breathe long and full into the orangey-red embers. I’ve been building fires most of my life and there is always a satisfaction felt when my own exhalation makes flame. My breath to fire, wood crackling to catch, a small blaze building.

This warmth gathers us. Family members from three to sixty-three, wander out in the morning with steaming mugs in their hands, big coats and sleepy eyes. The fire wakes us. Even once the sun has cast slants upon the melting lawn, the fire will still hold a steady flame. Spirals of smoke will dance in light throughout the day.

We realized last night that the fire has been burning without pause for three days. A heartbeat pumping, our family’s outdoor hearth is only an ‘h’ away from the love-life source that keeps us living.

We laugh at how I’ve taken to keep it burning in the morning. I love the unending cycle of stoking coals to flame.

“Well, whaddya think? Let’s keep it burning til 2012!” we say as we sit and warm our hands.

We smile in the cold as the knees on our jeans get toasted. My father’s quiet tone
drifts in the swirling smoke, our eyes fixated on the flames.

“…there’s something about a fire…”

Jessica Dofflemyer ~ all rights reserved

In Range

I had to drive down the road
to find a place where I was in range
pull out
and park
just above the spot
where the trickling creek
gets deep
and full of water fowl
living in low-slung trees
along the banks

I thought we had a missed connection
when my cell phone
got voicemail
what could I say
to convey
in thirty seconds
this restless stirring
so instead
I said
that I was sending love
on Christmas
from the foothills

the Bohemian –
well, he and I,
we surprise me
and suddenly our timing
clicks in a tick
and we make contact
he calls back
while I can still receive
reception

his voice ripples through me
with all his rounded consonants
a few omitted prepositions
his happy laughter
and I remember why
I love him
it doesn’t matter what he’s saying
though “I miss you, Jess!”
is nice to hear

along the river
a Great Heron takes flight
on wings that seem too big
to balance
a body that looks too huge
for flying
but with majestic grace
it moves its weight
in a slow and steady swoop
above the water

the Bohemian recaps the progress of our garden
admits he’s done more planting
but still left some space for me
he fixed those falling towel bars in the bathroom
polished the kitchen counters
cleared some of those fronds out of the yard

outside the windows of my parked car
sandy hillsides slope softly
in winter sunlight
beyond these hills there is an ocean
and in the middle of that sea
is a man with a beautiful accent
puttering around my house
and growing vegetables

there’s a sensation
right about the center of my chest
warm and moving
like honey with a fizz
and it feels good
in this parked car
with his voice right at my ear
he can eat my popcorn
and help himself to my kitchen cupboards
I don’t care

I’m so very happy in these foothills
but now I know the number
the exact amount of days
until I come home

Jessica Dofflemyer ~ all rights reserved