The Alchemy of Soup

At 2:30am I wake for water.  Have a sip and realize my phone has late night messages and texts.  Tsunami warning for Hawaii.  First wave expected at 3:07.  Jeb sleeps soundly in the other room and like a modern mother bear I gather wee hour information.  Online it’s NOAA, a local TV station web cam, Twitter feeds and Facebook.  The gas stations have shut down – “don’t go to town, traffic’s crazy.”

We live on high ground, all should be well.  It’s silent and dark in the country.

At 3:07am the winds pick up and move through the coconuts.  I can hear the distant crash of the first waves, a crumbled white noise of foaming hiss on the cliffs about a mile down the street.  We are not rumbled.  I go back to sleep.

In the morning sun, it’s business as usual.  The tsunami watch is over and the highway is abuzz with Friday traffic.  Facebook is full of prayers for those in Japan.

The Great Wave off Kanagawa by Hokusai

In the afternoon Jeb goes with his father and I fall asleep, still recovering from a cold.  I nap for hours, dreaming of trying to fit my car into an overcrowded garage and ordering sushi to-go.  I wake with a struggle still tasting the soon-to-come wasabi on my tongue.

There’s no sushi for miles so I make lentil soup instead.  Sun is going down and the house is quiet.  I use the curry and the cayenne the Rocket Scientist bought when he was here.  I sprinkle red clay salt and add the kale. Think about a Friday night with a head cold and how Netflix is an exciting prospect.  I’ll search for Mark Ruffalo and choose anything he’s in.  I’m not the star struck kind but I think I could watch Ruffalo eat a garden pepper and say the word “fecund” a hundred times.

Soup begins to steam.

Maybe soup is in my genes.  My Scottish great-grandmother, all 4’11 of her, standing in the kitchen in red patent pumps and huge brassy, bubbling pots.  Soup everyday.  How my dad tells a story of asking her for her recipes and she just laughed.  I stir my own little soup-for-two-pot and think that maybe those days at her  house had all the perfect ingredients.

Soup simmering on the stove.  Homemade raisin, chocolate chip cookies in the larder.  A red-carpeted spiral staircase and a thick-aired solarium full of misted baby’s breath and mossy tendrils.  Roses that lined the driveway.  Sunflowers in the garden by the raspberry patch.  Asparagus and orange trees.  This was my world at seven.

Maybe all I’m trying to do is find the gold I knew in those days there in the sunshine of the orange grove.

I have great fortune now.  Last night I was on high ground.  The petty ways of seeking ever-more satisfaction seem absurd in light of the suffering and death that can ensue with one swipe of Mother Nature’s hand.  These desires to perfect – ridiculous – when we are simply given the generous grace to breathe on planet earth and seek out any existence.  Netflix?  Ruffalo?

With the earthquake and tsunami reminders I give my thanks.  But they up the ante.  I don’t downshift my dreams.  They shake me to live life more.  Not forsake what I have but to embrace, as well, all that I vision to do.  How quickly I forget that life is not promised.  To be granted breath is an obligation to live richly.

Ok, so tonight’s time spent with Red Envelope entertainment is hardly taking Life’s proverbial bull by the horns, but I’m recovering.  I’m in rejuvenation.  Boosting my health back so I can breathe a full-bodied breath and exhale the tales of gold and rose adventures (or something like that).

There is gratitude for the thick, lush grass in my front yard.  I want to imbibe it fully, follow my wanderlust to other pastures, come home and tell you all about it.

With these ambitions I need to rest up.  Tonight, it’s Netflix, Ruffalo and the alchemy of soup.

Decaffeinated

Day seven of no coffee and I’m still sipping my vanilla tea.

With no vices but the Bean, I imbibe its aromatic brew so I can address the day’s demands and get stuff done.  Without my cup of courage, I feel like a raw, vulnerable nerve, stripped of my armor to the world.

My tea bags offer solace through philosophy.  Encouraging words to hold beneath my thumb as I steep.

photo by Jessica Dofflemyer - all rights reserved

Feeling a little hesitant with mounting tasks ahead, I know love won’t pay the bills.  But maybe if I reach deep down, I’ll find some organic buoy of my own, no filter needed.

Grumbling Lack Through the Horn of Plenty

Friends return from the high altitudes of South America, breathless and vowing to kiss every weed that’s grown in their garden since they’ve been gone.  They came home early, tired of being tourists. They missed good friends, their cozy island kitchen and homegrown food.  Back on home soil, they prostrate to paradise.

In early March, I’m in the swaying palm oasis.  Bare legs, a thin dress and no socks.  I chop fresh ginger and squeeze lemon from the tree.  Prep beets from Mary’s garden that I’ll pair with one of the four softball-sized avocados left on my front door step.  I eat a banana from the grove outside my door.  The spread of fresh food before me is a tropical cornucopia, my everyday fare.

photo by Jessica Dofflemyer - all rights reserved

Then why so grumpy?  I’ve been laying in bed for a week in a fevered state wondering what on earth I’m doing on this island out in the middle of no where.  It’s been fourteen years and counting. Is this where I’ll end my days?  A picturesque backdrop to some honeymooner’s photo album?

Am I ungratefully peering down the throat of the fruitful gift horse? Why does it feel like there’s a price to eat in paradise?  Because no one eats for free and my ticket to ride is the cost of isolation.  Living in this remote locale sometimes feels as though Jeb and I are islands unto ourselves, floating out in a vast sea.  Because we are.

Maybe I’m just edgy because it’s been four days without coffee and small things are getting on my nerves.  I’m in one of those moods where it’s actually annoying to hear someone exclaim, “This island is so beautiful!”  It’s no fun to be bummed in paradise.

I know the grass is greener syndrome.  I’ve seen the cattle lean through barb wire to flap their lips towards what they must think are longer, more luscious stems. Friends whisk away on an exotic trip to the Andes only to make a U-turn back home.  Their appreciative comments on the drive back from the airport reverberate from the cornucopia bullhorn.

“Ah, the air is so warm!”

“I can’t wait to eat from the garden again!”

“I love our road!”

Which end of the horn am I looking through?  The small and narrow opening or the gushing wide mouth full of plenty?  Is it possible to see all of the abundance and still honor the fact that island life can be hard?

As I sip my vanilla tea this morning, I hear my grumbles.  I guess I’ll follow the grumpy thread, peel a banana, and maybe more will be revealed.