Posted on by Jessica Dofflemyer

At the Altar

I wake at 5:17am sensing instantly that today I will lose my voice.  My head cold makes its way into my throat and chest.  It is here where the words live, the feelings reside.  I can feel the undoing.  I am being rendered silent.

There is both fear and relief in the dark morning.  All is quiet but for the crickets.  Jeb sleeps.  I grab a lozenge and catch a glimpse of a huge planet in the sky.  I’ve never seen one so close, so big.  I do believe it’s Venus.

Osho Zen Tarot

I linger in the solace of this silence.  A soft cushion of spaciousness that sifts the air and opens my mind.

Should I stay silent about what tosses with me on this morning’s pillow.  Will giving voice to it (or keyboard letters) somehow set the story free?

Or are some things better left unsaid?

If the Archives are about chronicling the story, then where else but here to express the quiet thread that sits below the surface of these last days?  Last week in Lulu’s letter there was reference to a follow up to the love story with the rocket engineer (The Private Door Swings Open).  For now I could skip Part 2, and even 3, because presently this script is in the Final Scene.

Osho Zen Tarot

For those just catching up, the plot summary would go something like:

Woman sings eighties love song in steaming moonlight (reference Love and Woo Woo with INXS) and instantly meets dashing gentleman (the rocket scientist) who asks her to travel the world with him.  Long-distance love affair ensues spanning California, India and Hawaii.  Enter woman’s six year old son for intense dramatic tension.  Exit dashing man who continues loving from a distance, climbing mountains round the world while woman stays at sea level.  Google chat provides comfort and frustration.  Woman ends remote relationship with love and good wishes, completing the decision with a ceremonial fire on Independence day. Read more

Posted on by Jessica Dofflemyer · 1 Comment

Freeing the Flow

Jeb and I made an early start, taping sixteen fund raising posters across three towns.  It took two cups of coffee and an internal pep talk to myself, but I was intent on making it fun.  Actually, it ended up not being all that horrible.

Jeb got into walking around town and we made a couple new friends in the process.  On our fourth hour and at the end of our poster supply, I was sweating and tired.  (It’s really silly to wear pants after 10am in the tropics – even in November).

One of the last storefronts for our poster was closed but as I looked at the locked sliding doors, I realized I could slide a poster through the thin opening.  As I began to slide it through, a handsome young man from the natural foods store next door approached and offered to help muscle the door open a bit further so the poster could fit.

So intent on my mission, I brushed the assistance aside with a smile, pausing briefly to say ‘ah, thanks, but I’ve got it’, and returned to my task at hand.  (I can feel friends and family cringe now, as they tell me I really must stop doing this).

Only later as we walked back to the car did Jeb say out of the blue, “That man back there thought you were attractive.”

The word ‘attractive’ comes out of his six year old mouth in a way that’s almost surreal.  Big words out of a little body.
Read more