Thanksgiving Day

I awake at 5:45 am, disappointed that I have not been able to sleep in on a holiday. After coming back to my bed from the bathroom, in the pitch dark of my studio, Jeb sits up in his bed and says, “I want to watch a movie.” the day has begun, it is as dark as night and I’m out of coffee.

I try to reason with my three year old about how I want to have a day without whining. Point is lost somewhere between 6:03 and 6:08. It seems making an agreement has exacerbated the whining and now I’m just trying to get out the door. I bribe him with wearing clothes purchased for our winter trip to California. It’s raining, we can get away with a down vest in the dark of the early morning.

Three stops at traditional coffee shops all produce closed signs.

It’s Thanksgiving and I’m feeling irritated and trapped. I remember as we drive to the next town for coffee try #4 that I wrote a story about my last Thanksgiving. Back when Jeb’s father was on the island and sharing the holiday with us. But his presence was bugging me too. In fact, I woke at the crack of dawn last year to Jeb’s poop filled diaper. At least he uses the toilet now. Why do I still feel trapped on holidays? Because it doesn’t’ t feel like a holiday, I guess.

Fantasize a little about going to Oahu to see U2 and Pearl Jam. Use methodology taught in online movie “The Secret” and imagine myself close to the stage filling up with gratefulness that I am there in that moment, fully enjoying.

coffee shop is open. Something is going my way. Once inside, Jeb asks for muffin but then fusses at the table so that I have to pack everything to go and walk back to car. Customers look at us and I imagine they think I am a bad mother with a spoiled child. As we pull out of the parking lot in the rain, a guy with a giant back pack on the side of the road, shines these clear blue eyes at me and beams a genuine smile. It’s thanksgiving and he’s walking the streets of Hanalei at 7 am. At first I thought he was crazy but his face looks so normal in that moment, I wonder if he’s an angel. Consider for 39 seconds about potential date material. Then remember I’ve stopped seeing men that don’t have a car or a residence. Use The Secret method to imagine myself with loving man who has heart of a trekker and the bank account fueled by a trust fund.