Random phone call reveals there will be no financial aid for Jeb’s school that begins in 6 weeks. It’s an extra $600 each month.

I go to the beach and soak in the warm tropical sea pool with my son after receiving the news. His arms are tight around me, “go as fast as lightening, motor boat”.

“This boat is docked,” I say. I just want to sit and hug him in the sweet azure water underneath the cotton clouds.

At night I go to a talk given by a couple that say they have tools to feel happy 365 days a year. So many times I feel like I could just break down crying in my little chair. No real reason that I can pin. Just waves of emotion that make my throat feel tight and my stomach knot.

They speak about having life force energy, that ‘juice’ in life and I reflect on how I sometimes wonder if I’m just drying up inside.